Awkward Drive

So I'm sitting in the car with Jen and the kids. Have you ever thought about saying something to someone or wanted to make some sort of conversation... Well I've been trying for more than seven years. I feel like I'm choking on the words I want to say. Awkward silence between us flares up while the kids start conversations with both of us. There are words in my head that I wish to say. The words so simple yet so complicated to say. It wasn't always like this. We were actually once friendly. I treated her with attitude for years after and quite frankly, I didn't blame her. I feel like an outsider to their "family" I felt this way for awhile. There is a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt “ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ” maybe it's my fault that I had felt so invisible. People constantly telling me to keep trying and to stay positive however no matter how much I've tried it's never been good enough. I wonder how long this will go on. Will I ever speak up? The shocker when the silence is broken.