RANT

Maybe I'm mad. Maybe I'm stressed. Maybe I'm hurt. Maybe I'm tired. I know maybe she's trying to protect me. But it's not for her to decide. I've been looking for Al for so many years. She can't just say "I found Al's Facebook" then say "don't worry about it". How am I not suppose to worry. That's all I ever do. I need some sort of explanation. Don't I? The person I called dad for so many years. The one who treated me like a princess. Like his daughter even though I wasn't. How was I suppose to just forget that. I never got a goodbye. I never got an explanation on why my childhood was ripped apart. How nothing felt normal after. He just left me without knowing it would be the last time I ever saw him. For those years he was the only one to take my side while my mom always took Taylor's. Now it's just me against them. Cause when Taylor yells and complains, who's at the bottom of the food chain? Me. I'll never be good enough or pretty enough. So I've come to be the disappointment. Cause I'll never be like Taylor. Nor did I ever want to. I was the slow learner, the girl with all the mistakes, the girl who didn't know when to shut up. I want to know why he left me. Where was he through everything. Where was he when I got in my first fight? When I got my first heartbreak.. When my own sister was calling me names that will never be forgotten. When she told me that she wished I would've killed myself. Where was he?! I have a right to be mad. I have a right to cry and want to know. I've been loosing my mind. And no one. Not even my mother will ever see or understand that.